


My Yellow Paint

by myeonssing



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 07:57:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16828396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myeonssing/pseuds/myeonssing
Summary: He who makes you feel pain is the same person who makes you feel alive.





	My Yellow Paint

They say that people can only get as stupid as they can be if they let it happen to them. If that’s the case, I’d take full responsibility for what I’m feeling and what I’m about to do with my life. 

According to science, the feeling brought about by  _ love  _ is as addictive as  _ drugs  _ because it stimulates the same hormones triggered when drugs are ingested in the body.

He was my drug; the very reason I was admitted into rehab. They called me crazy when they admitted me, crazier because I wasn’t an actual druggie. They cannot find any drug traces in my blood, but I insisted that I should stay inside no matter what because it’s the only reason I can get away from him.  _ Him.  _ The one and only Zhang Yixing.

Zhang Yixing was my partner for 10 years. Ten if we’re going to count even the times we weren’t together because he would just leave me; 6 if it was just the time he was with me. I met him at my first job- he was a supervisor for another company in the building where my office was also located. We hit things right off the bat; our similarities were staggering that it felt like I met my  _ soulmate _ . 

We were okay, I think. He was, is still, my all. My everything. I can trace his beautiful face in the dark and still pinpoint where his moles are. He can stay as far as he could, but I would still find him, even among the crowds in every concert that we’ve gone to. His music is what makes me feel alive, the compositions that he told me were all dedicated to me. Until he realized that I cannot satisfy him no matter what I did.

He can hurt me, abandon me, avoid me for days, months, and even years; but I’d still welcome him in my arms the minute he returns from his 'adventures’. I would always be waiting, willing to be his doormat, for as long as he returned to me. I thought it was okay - that it was normal to feel this way because this is love, isn’t it? However, it wasn’t. It took a long time for me to realize that I deserved much better than how he treated me.

I can still remember when I first asked him if he loved me.

_ “Do you love me, Xing?” _

_ “I like you, Jun. You are valuable to me.” _

_ “Do you love me?” _

_ “I don’t know Junmyeon. Why don’t we just enjoy each other’s presence and let things fall into place?”  _

_ “Okay. I love you, Yixing. I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me. You know that, right?” _

_ “I know.” _

That should have already been a wake-up call for me. But I craved for his attention, for his simple hello, for even the smallest affection I can get. I craved for any signs that he'd eventually be capable of loving me as me. And that's my biggest mistake. 

Because eventually, he fell in love, just not with me. He fell for the person he thought was right for him. I was never the right one for him; I was just  **convenient** . 

I tried to see how convenient I still was when I started disturbing their lives. “Convenient” my ass. They got what they wanted: phone calls in the middle of the night, gifts that I sent every now and then, and lastly, I tried to reclaim my Yixing.

So you see, this was why I was placed in rehab. They caught me seconds before I was able to kill them both. I was pointing the gun towards his lover, but goddamn Yixing had the nerve to feel patriotic at the last moment. He shielded her, and of course, my pathetic heart would never be able to kill him. I still love him, in spite of everything that he did. I hesitated and in those moments, the neighbors were able to call for help and I was arrested. 

They diagnosed me for having attachment disorder, borderline personality disorder, and erotomania. They told me it wasn’t really because of any drug or that I never really loved Yixing. HA! They're the crazy ones. It makes me laugh how hard they try to make it seem my fault. It's easy for them to say I was just delusional - that Yixing never cared for me, but he did! He still does. I know he does. That bitch just poisoned his mind and made him hate me but he doesn’t. They weren't the ones in the relationship. He was just scared to admit he loves me. He was always there for me and would always come back to me. I'm sure he just needs time to come back to me again. He will always come back. He will always be mine. 

Zhang Yixing is mine. **MINE.**

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write this fic back in June after reading this article: https://tinyurl.com/yczf3c3s
> 
> All of these are purely fictional. I'm not yet that crazy (even for SuLay). I also don't own them (sadly) but I still love them.
> 
> This was beta-ed. I tried to but I think I still failed. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading!


End file.
